Zoetry Montego Bay

this was a very nice place the rooms are elegant the beach was nice staff was very friendly eager to please the food was out of this world I wood recommend this place to any body who wants to go to a smaller Resort that is very quiet but elegant we will definitely go back.

Where do I begin? Just to give a bit of background. I have never felt compelled enough to actually write a review. That said here it is. I will first start with the positive. It is very clean, nicely decorated, friendly staff (for the most part), and the food is good. The other reviews I have read do accurately portray those aspects of this resort. I am as much of a food snob as you can be. The food was in my opinion as good as you can get in this type of all inclusive style resort. What I can best equate it to would be a high-end local Diner that serves breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Now to the negative. This leads into the actual reason for my review. Where I’m from most people that eat at these types of diners are older people. Like a few years into their retirement. That’s exactly who this resort caters to. This is not meant to put anyone down but just being honest. Most of the people were much older and just looking to relax under an umbrella. There was literally no music aside from the morning pool “aqua aerobics” I was forced to streaming music off my phone at a low volume as to not offend anyone. Literally could hear a pin drop in this place. There was live music on a few nights that ended at 9pm!!! Yes I’m telling the truth. BTW that was a positive because the live music was a single man saxophonist playing Kenny G style elevator music. He was excellent to his credit, let’s just say not at all what I would expect at a resort of this caliber in a Caribbean island. After the music stopped the resort basically shut down. There was almost nobody to be found. My wife and I went to the one indoor bar got one drink each, walked out to the dock and had two security guards hovering around us the whole time. Not very romantic. Kind of strange actually. They clearly did not want us out there. So we went into our room at 930pm that evening. The reviews and descriptions mention bars and drinks. Again something very strange here. There were no separate bars to speak of besides the one in the lobby. Nothing on the beach either. The other two were in the restaurants, which closed at the time the restaurant closed. There were also no actual bartenders. Just the servers who were waiting tables would go back behind the bar, and do their best to mix up whatever your request was. Don’t expect anything extravagant to be made for you. There were literally bottles of Pina colada mix, fruit punch mix, etc and they were just adding rum and ice to it. Not exactly what I was expecting. Especially considering the high price this place demands. One other thing I would like to mention. Upon arrival we were greeted very nicely and given drinks immediately. But that happy feeling ended rather quickly once we were processed through their initial barrage of meetings, with 3 different people. First check in. Then on to this guy who was trying to sell us on booking future trips directly through secrets franchise, and not cheap carribean. Then on to a lady asking us to set up a meeting to book excursions. I respect all the people here, as they were all genuinely nice. I know they were just doing their jobs, but it was really annoying. The last thing I wanted to do was get to my vacation and have to deal with this nonsense. Not fair to put people in this situation. It actually came to a point where I was avoiding these people because every time I would see them they would remind me about our “scheduled meeting”. Upon asking around (some taxi drivers, local staff) we were told by several people that this is the “old people” resort. Hence the title of my review. I’m just hoping that someone can read this and get an accurate view of what to expect. We were extremely disappointed. This hotel does have its positive aspects, but falls really short in a lot of areas. I honestly booked this with high expectations, thinking that we were going to enjoy a typical Jamaican vacation with just a bit more class than a more generic party resort. This was literally the complete opposite of that. It was a straight up snooze fest. Boring as can be. If your looking to go to Jamaica and do absolutely nothing then this is your place.

My wife and I just returned from Zoetry and we have a lot to say! I will first write about the experience we had and then address some of the negative reviews we read before we went to Zoetry. I feel any review is much more validated if you get an idea of who is reviewing the property. My wife and I are hard working middle class people with 2 children. We bust our butts for every dollar we make. We can appreciate a cheap beer in a dive bar or a high end bottle of bourbon. We have stayed at three different resorts in Jamaica. All three were rated between 3.5 and 4.5 palms from reviews. Zoetry was our first 5 sun rated resort and also the smallest we have been to. Upon arrival, we were immediately greeted and were given a cold towel. We went from 100 to 0, and immediately felt relaxed. We sat down with the woman at the front desk and were offered a drink. It was not the stereotypical fruit juice, it was whatever drink we requested. This was big change from what we were used to. She checked us in, and we were then given a tour of the facility by our butler Nikolas. He was awesome. He showed us the the lay of the land, in addition to the services offered by the resort, then sent us on our way. The room was amazing. We were on the 2nd floor so it had a walk in shower and vaulted ceiling. Our room was restocked a few times a day. The view from the balcony was of the main courtyard area but it was perfect to have a drink, enjoy the humidity and listen to the birds. The food was also impressive. Very healthy ingredients. We were worried as this resort did not have a buffet as many of the ones we had been to in the past had. The food options were so tasty, and food arrived pretty quickly. Portion size was perfect, regardless of the meal. There was also 24 hour room service, so if the portions were not to your liking, you can always grab more. My wife, who is a coffee snob, said the Coco Cafe had made the best cup of coffee she has ever had. The facility was quaint. there was always a spot where you could sneak off to and get some privacy. There is only one pool, and the beach is not very big, but with so few rooms being crowded was not an issue. The highlight of this resort was the people. Whether it was our butler, the cooks, the bartender, the security, or the groundskeepers, everyone would always say hello and never hesitate to stop and have a conversation. Upon arrival we hit up Jerky Jo's for some lunch. I decided to walk to the bar to grab us a few drinks. Upon my return, the server was offended I walked to grab our own drinks. I have to admit, it was a bit tough to get used to this kind of service, but fell into the groove by the time we left. The customer service without the "can I have my tip now" was unreal. There were some really fun activities. We took advantage of the SUPs, darts, and a few other activities. That being said we have a feeling our 15 year old girls would have been "bored" quickly. The wifi might have kept them occupied. We did see some younger children there though, and the staff went out of their way to make sure the kids were having fun and had good food to eat. The major concerns about this place from what we saw were a lack of gym, loud car noise, airplanes, and the beach. The gym: Pretty cool. It's very small with some cardio equipment and a set of dumbbells. They also have a small outdoor area with a "fatbar" pull up bar, a set of trx bands, and some boxes. If you are a globo type gym person, hit the cardio and do some light dumbbell work. If you are on the other end and do crossfit, there are plenty of options to have some awesome vacation wods. Car noise: The resort is close to the road. We were towards the back of the resort and we did experience cars, bikes, and trucks going down the road. It was not a huge deal for us, but if you had a place near the beach side of the resort it would be quieter. Airplanes: I'm not quite sure how someone can book a place in Montego Bay and complain about airplane noise. If you'd like to have a short drive from the airport to your first drink, find a place in Montego Bay. If you don't want to hear an airplane while being on an Island country, look into Runaway Bay or Negril. Beach: The beach is really nice. There are grass huts and areas of shade to hide. The swimming area is not very deep, and could very well be man made. If you want to swim, head off the end of the pier. Long story short, this was the most tranquil place we have ever been to. Don't expect late night dance parties, but do expect exceptional customer service in paradise!

this resort certainly does not live up to its hype. from our garden view roo (which overlooked a roof and a 4lane highway) to possible the worst food we ever experienced. The chef came to our table one night with didind sugestions, however he informe us they have no fresh fish it is all frozen. He only had a few left and would not sell them as they were beyond saving(freezer burn). The staff rates a high excellent for attitude and great attempts to please. The beach is very small but you can still sit in the sun. Our supposed butler show up the night before check out and explained that he was off the day after we arrived thats why we never saw him. We will not be returning.